Aunt Maddy

My Aunt Maddy passed away this afternoon after a long bout with cancer. She was in her early 60's. She leaves behind a husband, Anthony, two children, Lisa and Anthony, and four grandchildren. She had been battling liver cancer for the past few years and, right up to the end, still found time to entertain visitors, which is how I will remember her.

She was above all else, a loving person. Even when you were on the other side of an issue with her, she never stopped loving you. Family was the most important thing to her and it is absolutely no surprise to me that the memories of her caring about other family members before herself are the ones that are finding their way into my head at this moment.

I was very fortunate to see her during this past Easter weekend. Amy and I made it out to Long Island to visit her and Uncle Tony and we found her in good spirits and enthusiastic about seeing us. Needless to say there was food present (we'll get to that) and no shortage of things to talk about. It was, in every sense, a perfect visit. Although I found myself exhibiting my usual selfish qualities when it came to the conversation, which I immediately felt remorseful about. She'd have none of it.

"I am at peace," she told my wife and me. "I want you to live your lives and do not feel sorry," she continued. That was it as far as her addressing her illness. The rest of the afternoon was filled with talk about her kids and their grandkids, my mother, my family, Amy's job, my job, and the relative uselessness that a bottle of Bailey's has behind my Uncle Tony's bar.

Pulling out of the driveway Amy and I were greeted with the sight that was a staple of hers for as long as I could remember. Aunt Maddy stating in the driveway, waving goodbye right up until the time we were out of sight (a practice that I later utilized when Amy and I were driving back and forth to see each other last winter and spring). I noted to Amy, "If that is the last time I see her, that is the perfect way to remember her."

Heading back to Rockland on the L.I.E. I suddenly had a feeling of panic wash over me. Why? Well with my Aunt's successful plpan to get the attention away from her and her condition, she completely disarmed me of any kind of sentiment that I wanted to express to her. Which of course, is exactly what she wanted to do.

There were so many things that came flowing back into my head, each one an important childhood event for either my sister or myself. Graduations, hockey games, religious ceremonies, birthday parties, all the things that are important in a person's life. Every single one of those memories had her in it. I wrote her a letter a few weeks later:






Aunt Maddy,

Amy sends her love. I wanted to write you and let you know, quite obviously, how loved you are by each member of our family. It has always been tough for me to express that and when I saw you I found myself again verbally handcuffed.


Somewhere on the LIE I found myself going back through each and every important event, not only in my life but my sister’s as well. Confirmations, graduations, weddings and holidays. When I did, there was an image of you there. I mean, Lycoming College in ’91, in Williamsport, PA. You were there. 7:45 games at Superior ice rink, Wedding in Alfred, NY, HS graduation parties, birthdays, the list goes on and on. You were there and I was either too young or too self-centered to ever say thank you.

Thank you for being there. Thank you for making those days special.

This letter and gift are not an attempt to make up for anything, but rather to let you know that the positive impact you have had on my life has not ever or will not ever go unnoticed. You provide the best examples of how to treat your family. I will have that gift with me, pass it on to my children, and they will give it to their children.

All that because of you.

I only ask one thing. Keep fighting Aunt Maddy. Keep setting the example for us to follow. Do not ever give up. All of my strength goes out to you. All of my hopes and most of all, my love.

Your nephew,

Ryan